Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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