Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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