So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
