we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
