You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
