Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
