oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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