he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
