Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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