I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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