At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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