I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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