he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
