he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
