The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
