I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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