I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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