we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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