Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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