How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
