he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
