I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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