the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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