You work out of a Hotel?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
