"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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