Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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