grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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