Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
