My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
