omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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