Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
