I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
