Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
