you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
