Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
