I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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