I think I died a long time ago.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
