omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
