we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
