I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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