i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
