it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
