I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
