I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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