singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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