We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
