hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
