Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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