Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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