dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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