The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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