I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
