Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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