I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
