you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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