Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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