In the future we'll all be gay
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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