Please, let me fuck your mom
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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