2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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