1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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