what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
