I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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