I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The ass gains better be worth it
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