Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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