i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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