I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone signed my nipple.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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