Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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