I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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