Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
