Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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