Christians are straight up FREAKS
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
