You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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