yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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