This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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