What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
