i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
