I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
