Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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