his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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