i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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